I’m hanging out at 30 Rock with my favorite anchor woman Sue Simmons, who is a big time Mets fan. While I’m mixing a Highball for Sue and myself to enjoy while watching our favorite baseball team, she starts screaming “THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING”!!!!!!!! I thought “oh Chuck Scarborough’ here, let me make him a drink” but no it was Sweet Sue reacting to Willie Randolph brining in Aaron Heilman.  Needless to say, I put an extra shot of Canadian Club in Sue’s drink.

Can you put a player on the DL for mental anguish? Seriously, since Aaron Heilman has not physical problems maybe he needs time off to clear his head? Maybe if he curled up in the fetal position inside his locker the Mets could pull this disabled list scam. The other thing that ran through my limited mind was, is Heilman affected again by the string of journeymen pitchers who keep getting starts over him? I haven’t seen a man so conflicted since HBO showed a bunch of He/She’s on the stroll in Honolulu, Last year it was Dave Williams, Brain Lawrence and Chan Ho Park. This year it’s Nelson Figueroa and Claudio Vargas. At what point does Heilman go home and cry to his wife, “why doesn’t Willie think I’m pretty”?  Does Rick Peterson have a say in any of this? Does he go to Willie Randolph and say it’s time to put Heilman in the rotation just to have Willie say no? If that happens does Peterson go over Randolph’s head and chirp to Omar or even to top lieutenant Tony Bernazard? Just thinking out loud here folks.

I’m going down to the Pleasure Chest today in the Village to buy a couple of blow up dolls for the Mets to ignite the offense. The can stick their bats in any orifice they like. The dolls have to be Ozzie Guilen approved of course.

Scintillating analysis on SNY Post Game show last night between Coney Island Lee and Matt Snoozoff. The topic of the post game was of course the massive melt down of Aaron Heilman. Instead of clips of his delivery or breakdown of pitch selection or even a discussion of his desire to start, what we got from Mermaid Avenue Mazzilli and that pest Yalloff was the fans are booing so much it has affected Heilman. I don’t know what’s more upsetting the simplistic approach of these two “analysts” or the fact that get paid for this.  Oh and a memo to Harold Reynolds, stop cow towing to Mazzilli, as long as you don’t play grab ass with the secrataries your job is safe.

Time to pee in your corn flakes. The Tampa Bay Rays have signed Scott Kazmir for three years $28.5 mil. Enjoy your breakfast.

Fernando Martinez “tweaked” a hammy last night while playing for Bingo. He’s day to day so he should be ready but spring training.

Gary Cohen, Keith Hernandez and Ron Darling will broadcast today’s game from the Upper Deck of Shea today. Special guest will be my Lord and Savior (bow your heads) Ed Kranepool and Art Shamsky. The under/over for what inning Mex bails out to the Diamond Club after mingling with the great unwashed is the 4^th inning.

Does Willie Randolph know that he is allowed to argue with umpires? Lat night Grandpa Moises got tossed by home plate (ch) ump Dana De Muth on a called strike that the camera proved was outside. Alou who hardly ever gets his old keyster in an uproar slammed his bat on home plate and De Muth knowing the camera was on him ripped off his mask and threw Gramps out of the game. The camera then focused on Alou going back to the dugout and there is Willie Randolph just standing there like he was waiting for the Q88 bus. If I’m a player on the Mets bench, I think I’m starting to question if Randolph has any fire in his belly (maybe a sack of White Castles would do the trick) or if he has my back. What if anything will make Willie “go off”? Please Cousin Barry shed some light on what makes Willie tick (off)?