I was able to go to last night’s game on one of those spur (or as Archie Bunker used to say “sperm” ) of the moment deals. My son was with his friends when one the boys’ dads called and said he had gotten tickets to the game from his job. My son called me and asked if we could go and I said “Giddy up! Let’s go”

First it was the latest I’ve ever left for a game, 90 minutes before first pitch. I’m usually in the ball park at least two hours before game time, but when the folks we were going with had to get home from work so, you do what you can do.

Now from my shack on Staten Island to $iti Field it’s approximately 23 miles. In a place like say, Bismarck North Dakota, a 23 mile trip may take 15 minutes but in the Greatest City on Earth at rush hour it takes close to 90 minutes. We got our seats just before first pitch.

Needless to say, I did not get to inspect my brick in the Fan Walk, but I did get a glimpse of the old Home Run Apple which looks like it has found the perfect home. We passed by the new McFaddens which looked awfully dark. The bouncers at the door, one really big dude who had a chin like a Jai-Alai Cestna, scared the shit out of me so I didn’t look sideways at the place or ask a question but I’ll pose it here to any of y’all who have been inside the place. I believe it’s open all year round and on non game days? If so, who in that neighborhood is going to frequent the place? Do they serve food or is it a joint just to get a load on?

We sat in Section 106 down the right field line, close to the field but we had these annoying Asian tourists in the five rows in front of us who felt the urge to take photographs during game action. In the first inning the crowd in the section just called out “Yo sitdown” but by the third inning it was the whole section screaming “SIT THE FUCK DOWN” which I guess were the magic words as all cameras were finally put away.

By the third inning I had seen enough of John Maine and decided it was time for the Shake Shack and Box Frites. Seeing that I was comped tickets and a ride to the game, the least I could do was offer a Shack Burger, Fries and a beer to my host. Even though the crowd was as large as any I’ve ever seen for a second game of the season, 90 degrees in April will do that (remember when the Mets used to do Second Opening Day ? Rodney Dangerfield was a guest one year when they did this promotion as the second game of the season gets “no respect, no respect at all”) and I’ll be honest if it were 35 degrees and windy, my ass would have been on the couch at home watching this game, but I digress. It only took an inning and a half to get my Shake Shack order and beer but to cart the provisions back, I looked like a contestant on “Minute To Win It”. It’s not easy balancing four burgers, four fries and two beers from the center field food court to section 106. But here is the best part of the night, as get to the steps of the section and feeling a great sense of accomplishment that I have not dropped nor spilled any of this fine fare, the usher…..opps excuse me…the Hospitality Attendant, seeing me struggle to get to my row has the balls to ask to see my ticket. I give this dolt a look and say to him “Are you fuckin’ kidding”? Now get this? This asshole is offended by my language. I tell him call a supervisor or a cop and as soon as I put this food down I’m coming back up to show you my ticket.  He then says “no that’s all right”.

After I eat my burger I go back up to tap a kidney, on the way back I find Mr. Hospitality Agent ( I wish I wrote down this guys name as I’d put it in this post, in fact because of this guy, for now on, whoever pisses me off at $iti Field will have their named printed on this site) and I ask him, “let’s look at the logic here, I have two arms full of food and drink, you know my ticket is in my pocket. Since my hands are occupied, how did you think I was going to get the ticket out of my pocket, to show you”? “And your not cute enough for me to let you put your hand in my pocket” All this guy could do was turn a nice shade of crimson. Now I could have stopped there but I couldn’t, I had to add, “Don’t you feel foolish”? What can he say or do? He can’t call a supervisor because he’ll look like a dope and he can’t argue with me because now I’ve got a posse backing me up all he could do was apologize. Asshole!

Oh yeah the game! Not only was John Maine ineffective, he looked very uncomfortable on the mound. Jerry Manuel can run this start through the spin cycle all he wants there’s no way he or the front office are not concerned with Maine’s start last night. His location on the majority of his pitches weren’t even close to hitting their target and it seemed every Marlin hitter started their at bat with a 2-1 or 3-1 count. I don’t think Maine ever topped 90mph on his fastball all night and the speed of his fastball and change was much different.

There’s not much I can add about the bonehead play by Fernando Tatis in the 7th that ran the Mets out of a potential big inning. You have to know your home court. The backstop at $iti is not very deep but also, with your best hitter at the plate and two out, Tatis shouldn’t even think of running unless the ball went off the backstop and up the first base line. Bad baseball right there. Give Tatis some props for manning up after the game and talking to the press and admitting he fucked up.

That Tatis throw out at the plate, by the way, emptied $iti Field. There was a mass exodus complete with heads shaking and faces etched in disgust.

Hey Jenry Mejia, We’re not in St Lonesome anymore uh?

I know, I know it’s only two games but I’ve seen enough of Mike Jacobs.

Tough to kill D-Wright on the steal of second in the 9th that set up the IW of Jason Bay. GMJ is about the only guy in the lineup besides Wright, Bay or Frenchie that gives you any confidence as a Mets fan to get anything done. How sad is that?

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