THE NEW YORK HIGHLANDERS, THE MOST BORING TEAM IN PROFESSIONAL SPORTS

 

 

                                                                                   The Late Lamented Yankee Doodle

 

I really cannot figure out why anyone would root for the NY Highlanders. Sure the championship aura that is slammed down everyone’s throat is the major reason and I understand that the majority of Highlander loyalist are really fans of the championships and not the team itself but my God is there a more boring tight ass sports organization than the Bronx bastards?

I admit I follow very few of the Highlander beat writers on Twitter or bloggers for that fact but I read all the stories out of Tampa and a few of the blogs (until my head hits the desk from dozing off) and I feel like I’m back in the 6th grade reading about the Dewey decimal system or constellations of the solar system (I hated science when I was a kid, most my time in science class was spent surveying the girls trying to determine who was wearing a bra and who still wore t-shirts, my own little science lesson Ha! Ha!) The Highlanders are sooooooooooooooooooo uninteresting.

The Sainted shortstop, who not only lacks range in the field is inadequate when it comes to social situations as well. I love that Bobby Valentine gave him a poke over his overrated flip play back in 2001 ALCS. Instead of Jeter coming with a witty retort, pointing out that Valentine only saw what was on his TV since that’s where his ass was parked in front ofit for that post season, he gave the same lack of passion response he gives to every question.

Same with Alex Rodriguez, who quite frankly has turned into the clock watcher we’ve all had the displeasure of working with in our life. A-Rod has become a pick up my paycheck guy who cares more about which starlet he’ll share his lair with than his on field performance it seems.  He has figured out that his contract is so toxic and he is so broken down that an act of Congress would be the only way to get him out of town, so why not sit back and enjoy.

You look at the Mets and what the team lacks in money it makes up in personality.  Are there any Highlander players on Twitter? The only one I can think of is Nick Swisher but I’m sure his Tweets are monitored by the Steinbrenner Information Teams version of Bagdad Bob.  I don’t see any of the creative Highlander fans on Twitter coming up with the best hash tag in Twitter history, thanks to Jed Smed who came up with the daily #MetsHashTags that  trends around the world.   

Maybe they are out there but where are the Highlander media folk or bloggers at spring training send back reports about the team and the goings on in camp? Didn’t the Highlanders get booted from last year’s post season in the first round? With a $200 mil + payroll would that be considered a colossal FAIL? Where are the critical commentaries? Isn’t there a story how the Core Four is about to be reduced to Core Two and eventually One once we know Mariano Rivera’s “secret”? Has there been a story where a reporter asks Joe Girardi about the improving AL East and what will it take for his team to make the post season? By the way can you even fathom, Joe Giradi taking questions from bloggers as Terry Collins did earlier this week? His flattop haircut would catch fire.

Now I know after I post this and some fans of the Bronx Bastards read it, the feedback I’ll get is that I’m an asshole and the Mets suck. They would be half right.

Highlander fans don’t yell Mets Suck not out of hate but out of fear. Don’t think the fans and the hierarchy of 161 St and River Ave are not just a bit nervous that the Mets will be not only a good baseball team but a story of the summer, because as we’ve seen with the NY Giants and the NY Knicks, New York loves a sports story, especially one with a great plot. The Giants with their 7-7 record and win or go home final four games of the season, topped off by a Super Bowl win will be chronicled in many to be published books.  The ongoing saga of the NY Knicks and Jeremy Lin could turn out to be as big a story as Willis Reeds Champion Knicks, but if this Mets team shows it is not the downtrodden bunch that many make them out to be, it will be a Highlander nightmare.

As it is now, this past week it’s very close as to which team was featured on the back of the tabloids the most between the Knicks and Mets. One day it’s Jeremy Lin, the next it’s Johan Santana. It seems the only time the Highlanders get in the papers is when some trollop of Cashman’s comes forward.

Think of the story lines, if Mets play above the negative expectation, owner’s with debt up to their fake tanned foreheads cut more payroll than any team in history but the teams manager instills a confidence in his players that they are major leaguers and have to play like major leaguers. The Ace of the pitching staff comes back like no one ever has from a devastating shoulder injury to breathe life into the rest of the staff. The solid number two who possess a mesmerizing knuckleball and a spot on the NY Times Best Seller list wins baseball games and a Pulitzer.  Ike Davis, David Wright, Lucas Duda and a back from the dead Jason Bay on the cover of Sports Illustrated as “Air Flushing” due to the resurgence in their home run hitting prowess.  Mets sweep the Subway Series with one of the games a no hitter tossed by Mike Pelfrey and as the game ends, the Twitter servers blow up like the Macy’s 4th of July Fireworks display.

Can it happen? Who knows? But, get your popcorn ready just in case.   

 

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EVERYBODY WAS KUNG FU FIGHTING, THOSE CATS WERE FAST AS LIGHTING

Excellent post by Mathew Cerrone of MetsBlog on how the Mets need Sandy Alderson even though Rick Hahn would be a fantastic hire as well. If the Mets were an expansion team or a team in a small market then Hahn would be the pick, put for the Mets who need to change the way they are perceived by other teams, the media and especially their own fans (a/k/a paying customers) then Sandy Alderson is the clear choice for GM.

On Tuesday’s THIS CALL TO THE BULLPEN Radio Show, I spoke with Julian Levine of Splashing Pumpkins about the Giants-Phillies NLCS and how I wanted Bochy to put the Kung Fu Panda back in the lineup. He did and the Panda delivered. The Giants are one game away from the World Series. Part of me is hoping the Highlanders make a miraculous comeback and play the Giants in the World Series. If they do I’d make the trip to the South Bronx to root for the Gigantics while wearing my Johnny Antonelli throw back jersey.    

By the way, I give props to Ol’ Cholly for going with Roy Oswalt in 9th as he was the best pitcher available in the pen at that time. He was only going to use him for an inning any way and it still left Brad Lidge to close out the game. Where I do take some issue with Manuel is they way he used Jose Contreas for just one batter but hey I’m not complaining about the outcome that’s for sure.

The only part of the Rangers that worries me that they could suffer a Highlander collapse is their bullpen which is quite shaky.

I’ll just say I’m really looking forward to tonight’s Game 5 NLCS match up between The Freak and Doc Halliday and that’s all I’ll say. I feel like I jinxed yesterdays Game 5 of the ALCS so I’ll lay low with the wise ass remarks for now.

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THANKS FOR NOTHING TWINKIES

You know what? I’m glad Terry Ryan said he wasn’t interested in interviewing for the Mets GM job, I’d want nothing to do with anyone from the Minnesota Twins organization.  It’s one thing to lose a series to the Bronx Bastards but the Twinkies laid down like dogs. No fight whatsoever.

If your a Twins fan and what I’m saying here pisses you off and you say that my Mets suck , so who am I to call out a team for failure, remember this, the Mets at least split their six game this season with the Highlanders and there are only two teams the Pinstriped Pricks  fear the Mets and the Red Sox.

Oh so Phil Hughes is now a great pitcher after last night’s performance. As I said in the comments section to our resident Highlander contributor, Michael all Highlander fans were shitting themselves silly over their starting rotation and now after playing a team that gave up, they think they have three Cy Young candidates. They’ve all but forgotten their bastard child AJ Burnett, who will have to pitch in the ALCS  and kicked to the curb Javier Lopez, who is awaiting deportation to the National League.

Oh yeah I got my Highlander Hate on in full glory!!!!!

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