THE NEW YORK HIGHLANDERS, THE MOST BORING TEAM IN PROFESSIONAL SPORTS

 

 

                                                                                   The Late Lamented Yankee Doodle

 

I really cannot figure out why anyone would root for the NY Highlanders. Sure the championship aura that is slammed down everyone’s throat is the major reason and I understand that the majority of Highlander loyalist are really fans of the championships and not the team itself but my God is there a more boring tight ass sports organization than the Bronx bastards?

I admit I follow very few of the Highlander beat writers on Twitter or bloggers for that fact but I read all the stories out of Tampa and a few of the blogs (until my head hits the desk from dozing off) and I feel like I’m back in the 6th grade reading about the Dewey decimal system or constellations of the solar system (I hated science when I was a kid, most my time in science class was spent surveying the girls trying to determine who was wearing a bra and who still wore t-shirts, my own little science lesson Ha! Ha!) The Highlanders are sooooooooooooooooooo uninteresting.

The Sainted shortstop, who not only lacks range in the field is inadequate when it comes to social situations as well. I love that Bobby Valentine gave him a poke over his overrated flip play back in 2001 ALCS. Instead of Jeter coming with a witty retort, pointing out that Valentine only saw what was on his TV since that’s where his ass was parked in front ofit for that post season, he gave the same lack of passion response he gives to every question.

Same with Alex Rodriguez, who quite frankly has turned into the clock watcher we’ve all had the displeasure of working with in our life. A-Rod has become a pick up my paycheck guy who cares more about which starlet he’ll share his lair with than his on field performance it seems.  He has figured out that his contract is so toxic and he is so broken down that an act of Congress would be the only way to get him out of town, so why not sit back and enjoy.

You look at the Mets and what the team lacks in money it makes up in personality.  Are there any Highlander players on Twitter? The only one I can think of is Nick Swisher but I’m sure his Tweets are monitored by the Steinbrenner Information Teams version of Bagdad Bob.  I don’t see any of the creative Highlander fans on Twitter coming up with the best hash tag in Twitter history, thanks to Jed Smed who came up with the daily #MetsHashTags that  trends around the world.   

Maybe they are out there but where are the Highlander media folk or bloggers at spring training send back reports about the team and the goings on in camp? Didn’t the Highlanders get booted from last year’s post season in the first round? With a $200 mil + payroll would that be considered a colossal FAIL? Where are the critical commentaries? Isn’t there a story how the Core Four is about to be reduced to Core Two and eventually One once we know Mariano Rivera’s “secret”? Has there been a story where a reporter asks Joe Girardi about the improving AL East and what will it take for his team to make the post season? By the way can you even fathom, Joe Giradi taking questions from bloggers as Terry Collins did earlier this week? His flattop haircut would catch fire.

Now I know after I post this and some fans of the Bronx Bastards read it, the feedback I’ll get is that I’m an asshole and the Mets suck. They would be half right.

Highlander fans don’t yell Mets Suck not out of hate but out of fear. Don’t think the fans and the hierarchy of 161 St and River Ave are not just a bit nervous that the Mets will be not only a good baseball team but a story of the summer, because as we’ve seen with the NY Giants and the NY Knicks, New York loves a sports story, especially one with a great plot. The Giants with their 7-7 record and win or go home final four games of the season, topped off by a Super Bowl win will be chronicled in many to be published books.  The ongoing saga of the NY Knicks and Jeremy Lin could turn out to be as big a story as Willis Reeds Champion Knicks, but if this Mets team shows it is not the downtrodden bunch that many make them out to be, it will be a Highlander nightmare.

As it is now, this past week it’s very close as to which team was featured on the back of the tabloids the most between the Knicks and Mets. One day it’s Jeremy Lin, the next it’s Johan Santana. It seems the only time the Highlanders get in the papers is when some trollop of Cashman’s comes forward.

Think of the story lines, if Mets play above the negative expectation, owner’s with debt up to their fake tanned foreheads cut more payroll than any team in history but the teams manager instills a confidence in his players that they are major leaguers and have to play like major leaguers. The Ace of the pitching staff comes back like no one ever has from a devastating shoulder injury to breathe life into the rest of the staff. The solid number two who possess a mesmerizing knuckleball and a spot on the NY Times Best Seller list wins baseball games and a Pulitzer.  Ike Davis, David Wright, Lucas Duda and a back from the dead Jason Bay on the cover of Sports Illustrated as “Air Flushing” due to the resurgence in their home run hitting prowess.  Mets sweep the Subway Series with one of the games a no hitter tossed by Mike Pelfrey and as the game ends, the Twitter servers blow up like the Macy’s 4th of July Fireworks display.

Can it happen? Who knows? But, get your popcorn ready just in case.   

 

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IF WERE IN CHARGE OF $ITI FEILD CONCESSIONS, YOU BETTER BELIEVE THERE WOULD BE A WHITE CASTLE

Camp Happiness is in full swing as Warlord Jerry gave his loyal soldiers a unity speech and from the quotes afterwards it was a success:

 

 “I thought it was definitely the best pre-spring training meeting I’ve ever been part of,” said new set-up man J.J. Putz, who came over from the Mariners in December.

 

David Wright agreed, saying the message hit home even more because of Manuel’s popularity in the clubhouse.

 

“You get kind of the best of both worlds with Jerry,” Wright said. “He’s a tremendous players’ manager, where you feel you can talk to him about anything, and he’s a tremendous motivator who will push you.”

 

So early in Season of Redemption, J-Man is stressing it’s all about “we” and I think the Wright quote is the most damning indictment on Willie Randolph’s managerial reign and now that Manuel is entering into his first spring training and his first season as head man in charges of on field performance he is putting his stamp on the team early.

 

Big news out of camp is that Johnny Franco is back in the good graces of the Skill Sets and is back working for the Mets in a host of jobs which tells me they have no clue of what to do with him but they need someone around to tell Jeffey how handsome he is. As long as Franco has no say in personnel decisions then I’m cool with the move. 

 

Matt Cerrone is at Pt St. Lonesome and is relaying some fantastic post from the team workouts and yes I am extremely jealous.

 

I’m reading this list of eating places at $iti Field and not one of them excites me in fact it proves my assumption that real Mets fans were the last people the Mets thought about when putting this ball park amenities together. From everything I’ve heard, $iti Field is going to be a an outstanding place to watch a ball game and just from the pictures I’ve seen of the Jackie Robinson Rotunda, I believe it, but the food choices just stink of yuppie. Where is the concession that will serve deli sandwiches? No corned beef, pastrami, or brisket? Or NY centric items like egg creams, pizza -and not the new age downtown bullshit goat cheese, endive, truffle uneatable slop, but real NY Bari oven corner pizzeria pizza with calzones, garlic knots, zepoles and Italian ices. You want Shake Shack? Give me White Castle. You want Blue Smoke? How about a Ghetto Chinese stand for some chicken wings and fries and it has to be surrounded by bullet proof glass of course, for that authentic feeling. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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