SEPTEMBER SWOON

Well if it’s September it must be Mets Free Fall.  Just like white shoes and straw hats, the NY Mets go out of style come Labor Day.

The last three September’s have become Nightmare on 126th St & Roosevelt as Freddy Skill Sets worst nightmare has come true, the lack of meaningful baseball games played in Flushing. It’s why the organization has had to pull gimmicks out it’s ass to find a way to coax fans to Citi Field. From 2009 to last night the Mets are 26-44 in the month that baseball fans pay the most attention to, the month when the teams that are ready to prove they are worthy World Series contenders, the month we used to look at once tickets went on sale and made sure we secured tickets to the Braves series, the Phillies series now we look forward to Cult Movie Night or Thumb Suckers Awareness Night or a Celebrations of the People of the Aleutian Islands .

So let’s bring everyone back from this year because it’s just a matter of time before Mike Pelfrey turns into Don Drysdale and David Wright will turn into George Brett and Johan Santana will be the first pitcher to ever comeback from shoulder surgery to win the Cy Young Award and Bobby Parnell will become a gritty, gutty closer by growing a Fu Manchu moustache, and of course Jose Reyes will resign and the Mets will add a Santeria High Priest to exorcise the demons out of Reyes’ hamstrings.

Now that the chase for .500 looks unattainable maybe we should root for more loses to get a better pick in the 2012 Entry Draft.

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METS WIN HAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHOOOOOOO!

 

 

 

 

You know what? I’m going to take credit for last nights Mets win. Yeah that’s right , if the Mets go off and rack off 15 or 17 game in a row I’m taking full credit, in fact if the Mets win the NL East and Carlos Beltran wins the NL MVP Award I want that trophy delivered to me with  a note from Beltran thanking me for my motivational push that made him the best player in baseball in 2009.  The Mets were looking for an “edge” and that’s me THE EDGE.  David Evans better get a new nickname because I earned mine.

 

Please, please people hold your applause, my work isn’t done yet as one game does not a turnaround make but I’m working on it.

 

My next pupil will be Sean Green, I have to get into his head and make him a feared warrior when he comes to the mound. My first order to him will be to grow a Fu Manchu moustache and then we are going to a hair salon on Roosevelt Ave to get him hair extensions (goin’ old school mullet here) and before every game I will beat him with a Kimbo stick.

 

Now all this I’ve done for the Mets have been at no charge, if they want Ollie P straight that will cost them as I’m THE EDGE not JESUS.

 

      

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