BASEBALL FUTURERAMA

I guess I should be more sympathetic towards Highlander fans who have to sit in a cold nasty drizzle for opening day, but since I know not one of them would show us Mets fan any sympathy fuck ‘em let them freeze.

So as I wait for tomorrow night’s 7:05PM real opening day in South Florida, I guess this would be a good time to make my season predictions,

NL East

Chipper’s Chumps

Phuck Phaces

The Amazin’ New York Mets

Minnows

D.C. Follies

NL Central

Brewskies

Dusty’s Red Legs

Bird Brain Genius

Residents of the Friendly Confines

Bucos

McLane Gang

AL West

Height-Asbury Freaks and Beards

Hollywood Bums

Box O Rox

Friars Club

Snakes in the Sand

Wild Card

Phuck Phaces

NL Champs

Chippers Chumps

NL MVP

Ryan Braun

NL Cy Young

Tim Lincecum

NL Rookie of the Year

Freddy Freeman

NL Manager of the Year

Terry Collins

AL East

Team Dirty Water

Men of Maddon

Bronx Bastards

Ontario Audubon Society

Bucks O’s

AL Central

South Side Loco’s

Grady’s Gang

Motor City Cats

Midwest Monarchs

Woe is Wahoo

AL West

The Ghosts of Cornelius McGillicuddy

Ryan’s Express

Hello Halo’s

Space Needlers

Wild Card

Men of Maddon

NL Pennant

Team Dirty Water

AL MVP

Evan Longoria

AL Cy Young

Jon Lester

AL Manager of the Year

Joe Maddon

World Series Champs

Team Dirty Water

Check out THIS CALL TO THE BULLPEN Podcast on Blog Talk Radio part of the Seamheads National Podcasting Network 

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YAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWANNNN

I don’t know about you but I’m bored to tears already by the search for the next Mets Manager. It’s starting to take on an American Idol feel to it.  Sandy Alderson playing the Randy Jackson role as he tells each managerial interviewee,” Yo dawg, I dun know man, when you walked in the door I was like WHOA! But then you got some pipes dude, and then that resume Dawg, you were killin’ it, good lookin’ out dawg.  Then J.P. Ricciardi doing his Simon Cowell “ so tell me, have you had any formal managerial experience ? No? I didn’t think so. This is a managerial interview and really if you know you have no bloody shot why waste our time and your time? Off you go? And then there is Jeffey Skill Sets the Paula Abdul of the trio “Ohhhhhhhhh Wally YOU COMPLETE ME<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I’ll say this for Sandy Alderson every coach, ex-manager or minor league coordinator is getting a shot at the job, but when I think of it did Alderson miss the boat by not getting Ron Roenicke in for an interview before the Brewski’s hired him? Roenicke comes from the Mike Scioscia coach tree. The same tree that bore fruit like Joe Maddon, and Bud Black and now Roenicke.

So anyone interested in Dan Uggla ? If you look past his defensive shortcomings, his bat at the 2nd base position would look mighty purdy as a Met. Uggla turned down a contract extension of 4yr/$48mil but it might not be because of money. It seems that Uggla has not gotten over his BFF Cody Ross getting exiled to San Francisco and may be feed up with that the Lord of Douchenberry, David Samson.

The Oakland A’s have made the highest bid for the rights of Japanese RHP Hisashi Iwakuma. The 29 year old Iwakuma has some impressive numbers pitching for the Tohoku Rakuten Golden Eagles. Iwakuma’ won-lost record doesn’t do justice to his overall numbers. A 10-9 record doesn’t measure up to 201 IP 2.82 ERA, 1.15 WHIP, 8.52 K/9IP and 1.61 BB/9IP. Details of the amount of the bid have been reported. The A’s now have 30 days to get Iwakuma’ to sign on the dotted line.

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A POST SEASON POSTING (SAY THAT 3 TIMES FAST)

While I sit and wait for the Skill Sets to pick a new baseball czar, there is post season baseball to revel in starting today with a triple header on TBS. As viewers, we can be thankful that this year we won’t get “fisted” while watching the coverage but he have to hope that Ernie Johnson knows the difference between a suicide squeeze and a pick and roll. On to my predictions:

Phuck Phaces vs. Cincin-NATTA Red Stockings

Let’s be truthful here the Phuck Phaces have the best three man rotation in the playoffs with Halladay, Oswalt and the Girlie Man so this is a tough assignment for ol’ Dust-aroo and his Queen City Rollers. If Edison Volquez can beat Doc Halladay in game 1 we could have the makings of a great upset but that’s asking a lot but if the Reds can win game 1 and then have Mike Francesa Boy Toy, Bronson Arroyo going in game 2 then their will a ton o’ pressure on Cholly Chuckles boys. I want to say Reds in 4 but it ain’t gonna happen. Phuck Phaces in 4

Small Cox vs The Fuck Yeahs

Has word gotten to Braves fans that their team is in the post season? Maybe a couple of them would like to go to a game or two ? My rooting interest is with the San Francisco By Way of W 155 St & 8th Avenue Giants. It’s part nostalgia and part that I’m a Tim Lincecum fanboy and part I find the Braves and the city of Atlanta revolting. The Bochy Boys have too much pitching to lose here in fact I’m calling this one Giants in 3.

Lone Stars vs Men in Plaid

This is a tough choice here as I love Nolan Ryan but I find Joe Maddon cute and goofy plus there is the Stu Sternberg Brooklyn/Mets fan factor so I’ll go with the Rays in 4. Of all the game 1 match ups today the Cliff Lee -David Price engagement is the best.  It’s a shame that this game is not the prime time game but hey, it’s my day off so I’ll have ass in seat at 1:30 to watch it.

Bronx Bastards vs. Gardy’s Gang

It’s that time of year kids, time to get your Highlander Hate On. You know I’m going all out to root for the Men of the Land O Lakes and I think they will dispose of the Highlanders in 5 games, Just to make it even more painful for those who call themselves Disciples of the Bronx Robber Baron, let’s have Delmon Young hit a game tying homer of Joba and Jim Thome, the game winner off Mariano in game 5. By the way who wants to join me on Halloween to go egg the Robber Baron’s plaque in Monument To Douchebagery Park ?

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JOE MADDON’ GOT THOSE BLOWN SAVE BLUES

I did take some perverse pleasure watching the Famous Rays bullpen implode last night in one of the great collapse not involving the NY Mets. I admit I turned the channel at 7-0 to watch Life On Mars (Can we just give Harvey Kitel the Best Actor in a Drama Emmy now and save time later)  and flipped back at 11PM waiting to see the Famous Rays celebrate their first Pennant so you know I was shit shocked to see the game was at 7-4. I hung for the rest and I must say that Coco Crisp at bat in the 8th should shown to every little leaguer in the country as that is how you work an AB and a pitcher.  Wheeler is a classic reliever with two pitches, fastball/slider and Crisp just kept fouling off pitch after pitch until he got hanging slider to drive to right field. You have a pitcher on the ropes and team that is now drowning in self doubt and defending championship team that is never out of a game. Just classic baseball. Now Game 6 becomes must see as the Rays and Joe Maddon are in uncharted territory as they gave the Red Sox life. They had the pillow over their faces but lifted up too early.

 

The dark clouds of Flushing seem to be lifting a bit after reading Adam Rubin’s Q & A with Daniel Murphy maybe the hard nosed Dykstra/Backman type we have been looking for is right under our nose.

 

It doesn’t look like the market of Manny will be a large one. Manny and Agent Bloodsucker are looking for a 6yr deal for over $120 mil. Unless the United Arab Emirates is getting an expansion team next season, that’s not happening.  Those demands are off base. The Dodgers management is in a bind here as they have to make an offer to Manny but how long can they hang in with the Mets, Highlanders and the dark horse in the Manny races the Blue Jays? I don’t really see the Highlanders going for Manny but they could make a bid just to break balls. The Dodgers should be the favorite to sign Manny but Frank McCourt not only doesn’t own a TV station that flows dough he has a piss poor relationship with PrimeTicket but you would think he’d try to sit down with the station to workout a partnership to keep Manny. McCourt should plead his case that if they add more to the rights fee for Dodger games it helps the team sign Manny and that brings up ratings which brings up the ad revenues and everyone makes some scratch.    

 

If I’m Omar, I offer 4yrs/$100mil and wait for the counter offer. I wouldn’t budge off the years but I would go a bit higher on the money by using incentive bonuses but I’d cap my offer at $110 mil. Now in these economic times that looks like I’m bat shit crazy but as loony as it looks Manny will pay for himself as the SNY ratings go up and the merchandise revenues as well. If it’s just a question of money then Mets will make Manny theirs to loose if it’s all the other questions about attitude and the Manny Being Manny baggage that’ s another story. But if Manny gets away from Flushing again that will be sad. 

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Tickets

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