THE NEW YORK HIGHLANDERS, THE MOST BORING TEAM IN PROFESSIONAL SPORTS

 

 

                                                                                   The Late Lamented Yankee Doodle

 

I really cannot figure out why anyone would root for the NY Highlanders. Sure the championship aura that is slammed down everyone’s throat is the major reason and I understand that the majority of Highlander loyalist are really fans of the championships and not the team itself but my God is there a more boring tight ass sports organization than the Bronx bastards?

I admit I follow very few of the Highlander beat writers on Twitter or bloggers for that fact but I read all the stories out of Tampa and a few of the blogs (until my head hits the desk from dozing off) and I feel like I’m back in the 6th grade reading about the Dewey decimal system or constellations of the solar system (I hated science when I was a kid, most my time in science class was spent surveying the girls trying to determine who was wearing a bra and who still wore t-shirts, my own little science lesson Ha! Ha!) The Highlanders are sooooooooooooooooooo uninteresting.

The Sainted shortstop, who not only lacks range in the field is inadequate when it comes to social situations as well. I love that Bobby Valentine gave him a poke over his overrated flip play back in 2001 ALCS. Instead of Jeter coming with a witty retort, pointing out that Valentine only saw what was on his TV since that’s where his ass was parked in front ofit for that post season, he gave the same lack of passion response he gives to every question.

Same with Alex Rodriguez, who quite frankly has turned into the clock watcher we’ve all had the displeasure of working with in our life. A-Rod has become a pick up my paycheck guy who cares more about which starlet he’ll share his lair with than his on field performance it seems.  He has figured out that his contract is so toxic and he is so broken down that an act of Congress would be the only way to get him out of town, so why not sit back and enjoy.

You look at the Mets and what the team lacks in money it makes up in personality.  Are there any Highlander players on Twitter? The only one I can think of is Nick Swisher but I’m sure his Tweets are monitored by the Steinbrenner Information Teams version of Bagdad Bob.  I don’t see any of the creative Highlander fans on Twitter coming up with the best hash tag in Twitter history, thanks to Jed Smed who came up with the daily #MetsHashTags that  trends around the world.   

Maybe they are out there but where are the Highlander media folk or bloggers at spring training send back reports about the team and the goings on in camp? Didn’t the Highlanders get booted from last year’s post season in the first round? With a $200 mil + payroll would that be considered a colossal FAIL? Where are the critical commentaries? Isn’t there a story how the Core Four is about to be reduced to Core Two and eventually One once we know Mariano Rivera’s “secret”? Has there been a story where a reporter asks Joe Girardi about the improving AL East and what will it take for his team to make the post season? By the way can you even fathom, Joe Giradi taking questions from bloggers as Terry Collins did earlier this week? His flattop haircut would catch fire.

Now I know after I post this and some fans of the Bronx Bastards read it, the feedback I’ll get is that I’m an asshole and the Mets suck. They would be half right.

Highlander fans don’t yell Mets Suck not out of hate but out of fear. Don’t think the fans and the hierarchy of 161 St and River Ave are not just a bit nervous that the Mets will be not only a good baseball team but a story of the summer, because as we’ve seen with the NY Giants and the NY Knicks, New York loves a sports story, especially one with a great plot. The Giants with their 7-7 record and win or go home final four games of the season, topped off by a Super Bowl win will be chronicled in many to be published books.  The ongoing saga of the NY Knicks and Jeremy Lin could turn out to be as big a story as Willis Reeds Champion Knicks, but if this Mets team shows it is not the downtrodden bunch that many make them out to be, it will be a Highlander nightmare.

As it is now, this past week it’s very close as to which team was featured on the back of the tabloids the most between the Knicks and Mets. One day it’s Jeremy Lin, the next it’s Johan Santana. It seems the only time the Highlanders get in the papers is when some trollop of Cashman’s comes forward.

Think of the story lines, if Mets play above the negative expectation, owner’s with debt up to their fake tanned foreheads cut more payroll than any team in history but the teams manager instills a confidence in his players that they are major leaguers and have to play like major leaguers. The Ace of the pitching staff comes back like no one ever has from a devastating shoulder injury to breathe life into the rest of the staff. The solid number two who possess a mesmerizing knuckleball and a spot on the NY Times Best Seller list wins baseball games and a Pulitzer.  Ike Davis, David Wright, Lucas Duda and a back from the dead Jason Bay on the cover of Sports Illustrated as “Air Flushing” due to the resurgence in their home run hitting prowess.  Mets sweep the Subway Series with one of the games a no hitter tossed by Mike Pelfrey and as the game ends, the Twitter servers blow up like the Macy’s 4th of July Fireworks display.

Can it happen? Who knows? But, get your popcorn ready just in case.   

 

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LOOK AT WHAT THAT DICKEY DO

Well one thing the 2010 Mets aren’t lacking in is drama, with ex-Mets trying to school new Mets and the bullpen coach telling the Diva Closer to shut the fuck up and the manager’s job status as volatile as the Dow Jones this is becoming a lot of fun.

I remarked on Twitter last night that I wondered where R.A. Dickey leaves his shopping cart during games. Dickey looks like the guys you avoid at the supermarket who bring in cans and bottles for the nickel deposit. Dickey has been outstanding in these last two starts and a huge upgrade over the Ritalin Kid that’s for sure. Plus the Dickey jokes on Twitter never get old.

Speaking of Dickey, did you get a look at what has been reported as Evan Longoria’s manhood? If I were packing something like that it would be the picture on my drivers license. Most definitely NSFW

I saw the video of the squirrel that ran on the grass at Target Field during last nights Twins-Highlanders game. The squirrel really looked lost and confused as he ran around out of control to the point the game had to be held up. The squirrel, who was identified as Rocket J. Squirrel of Frost Bite Falls MN said he was looking for the Tony O’s Cuban Sandwich concession stand when he got disoriented, he claims with the ball park’ so new he was still trying to find his way around the place.

I am definitely getting myself an I LIKE IKE t-shirt

Nelson Figueroa is the first player in the history of professional sports to get screwed over by a team. Give it a break Nelly Figs will ya!

After the Mets defeated the Phuck Phaces last night I had the pleasure of talking to Bill Baer of Crashburn Alley a member of ESPN Sweet Zone blogs (as well as Baseball Prospectus Baseball Digest Daily and Heater Magazine) on my THIS CALL TO THE BULLPEN show last night. You can check out the podcast right there a Kranepool Society (see the player on the lower left sidebar) or at my show page at Blog Talk Radio or downloaded it to your iPhone, iTouch, or iPod at iTunes.

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YOU DON’T NEED A WEATHERVANE TO KNOW WHICH WAY THE MANNY WIND BLOWS

 

 

 

 

17 days until pitchers and catchers but it’s just one more day until Pro Baseball Central so join Joe McDonald and me tomorrow night on Blog Talk Radio at 9PM to join in on the baseball chatter call in to the show at (646) 595-4462. More Pro Baseball Central news later.

 

J-Man is one cool dude, as he has taken up our fight for Manny by letting all parties involved know he’d love to pencil 24 RAMIREZ into his lineup card:

 “But that’s [general manager] Omar [Minaya], that’s the Wilpons, their thing,” Manuel said to a group of reporters yesterday at the Holy Apostle Soup Kitchen in Manhattan, where he was helping unload supplies for City Harvest, a group that provides supplies for the needy around the city. “I’m like the fans: If we get him, cool. If not, we’ll deal with it. We have a pretty good team.”

 

It pays to have job security, I wonder if J-Man would put the Manny burden on managements shoulders like that if he were in the last year of a contract instead of starting a new deal? Never the less it’s good to have J-Man on our side.

I also like how J-Man dealt with the most overrated question about Manny, how to deal with him in the clubhouse:

“If you’ve got a guy who performs on the field, you can handle the rest of that stuff. I don’t think it’s an issue. I don’t have a problem with the clubhouse. I’ve got an office that’s about so big,” Manuel said, holding his hands close together. “The clubhouse, I let them do what they do.”

 

Look I have never played in professional sports but I have played on teams throughout my life with guys I despised so much I wouldn’t pee on them if they were on fire but as long as we were teammates I had their back and they had mine, maybe it’s the long season and the time together that atmosphere in the pro clubhouse means a lot but I’m sure if Manny is hitting home runs and protecting D-Wright in the batting order and giving Carlos Delgado beaucoup RBI opps in his walk year,  Manny would be the Man of the Year in the Mets Cave.

 

More Manny, this comment from Matt Cerrone (hope you’re feeling better Matt) on Manny and the Mets:

also, i have a feeling the team may have miscalculated just how vocal their fans would be about manny… i

listened to WFAN last night from 3 am to 4 am, thanks to my asthma and a cold, and every single Mets call was about manny… over and over and over again… manny, manny, manny… i’m not saying this is a reason for the Mets to change course, not at all, they should do what they see fit, but they may want to consider how they are spinning this to the public, especially if there is any chance ramirez ends up signing a one-year deal with the Dodgers,because, if that happens, i suspect most fans are going to lose it…

 

If I have one major pet peeve with the Mets organization it is they are clueless about their fan base and I get the feeling they couldn’t give damn about us. If the Skill Sets showed one once the passion of its fan base the name “Mets” would be acknowledge with more respect instead of laughter.

 

According to reports the Mets have sold 25,000 per game so far as just about everyone who committed to buying season tickets has poinied up the dough. But guess which seats are not selling so fast? Yes those high priced club seats that hold the ample ass’ of those captains of industry that have thrown us into this recession. Don’t worry Skill Sets the working folks of NY won’t let you down.

 

      

 

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