THE NEW YORK HIGHLANDERS, THE MOST BORING TEAM IN PROFESSIONAL SPORTS

 

 

                                                                                   The Late Lamented Yankee Doodle

 

I really cannot figure out why anyone would root for the NY Highlanders. Sure the championship aura that is slammed down everyone’s throat is the major reason and I understand that the majority of Highlander loyalist are really fans of the championships and not the team itself but my God is there a more boring tight ass sports organization than the Bronx bastards?

I admit I follow very few of the Highlander beat writers on Twitter or bloggers for that fact but I read all the stories out of Tampa and a few of the blogs (until my head hits the desk from dozing off) and I feel like I’m back in the 6th grade reading about the Dewey decimal system or constellations of the solar system (I hated science when I was a kid, most my time in science class was spent surveying the girls trying to determine who was wearing a bra and who still wore t-shirts, my own little science lesson Ha! Ha!) The Highlanders are sooooooooooooooooooo uninteresting.

The Sainted shortstop, who not only lacks range in the field is inadequate when it comes to social situations as well. I love that Bobby Valentine gave him a poke over his overrated flip play back in 2001 ALCS. Instead of Jeter coming with a witty retort, pointing out that Valentine only saw what was on his TV since that’s where his ass was parked in front ofit for that post season, he gave the same lack of passion response he gives to every question.

Same with Alex Rodriguez, who quite frankly has turned into the clock watcher we’ve all had the displeasure of working with in our life. A-Rod has become a pick up my paycheck guy who cares more about which starlet he’ll share his lair with than his on field performance it seems.  He has figured out that his contract is so toxic and he is so broken down that an act of Congress would be the only way to get him out of town, so why not sit back and enjoy.

You look at the Mets and what the team lacks in money it makes up in personality.  Are there any Highlander players on Twitter? The only one I can think of is Nick Swisher but I’m sure his Tweets are monitored by the Steinbrenner Information Teams version of Bagdad Bob.  I don’t see any of the creative Highlander fans on Twitter coming up with the best hash tag in Twitter history, thanks to Jed Smed who came up with the daily #MetsHashTags that  trends around the world.   

Maybe they are out there but where are the Highlander media folk or bloggers at spring training send back reports about the team and the goings on in camp? Didn’t the Highlanders get booted from last year’s post season in the first round? With a $200 mil + payroll would that be considered a colossal FAIL? Where are the critical commentaries? Isn’t there a story how the Core Four is about to be reduced to Core Two and eventually One once we know Mariano Rivera’s “secret”? Has there been a story where a reporter asks Joe Girardi about the improving AL East and what will it take for his team to make the post season? By the way can you even fathom, Joe Giradi taking questions from bloggers as Terry Collins did earlier this week? His flattop haircut would catch fire.

Now I know after I post this and some fans of the Bronx Bastards read it, the feedback I’ll get is that I’m an asshole and the Mets suck. They would be half right.

Highlander fans don’t yell Mets Suck not out of hate but out of fear. Don’t think the fans and the hierarchy of 161 St and River Ave are not just a bit nervous that the Mets will be not only a good baseball team but a story of the summer, because as we’ve seen with the NY Giants and the NY Knicks, New York loves a sports story, especially one with a great plot. The Giants with their 7-7 record and win or go home final four games of the season, topped off by a Super Bowl win will be chronicled in many to be published books.  The ongoing saga of the NY Knicks and Jeremy Lin could turn out to be as big a story as Willis Reeds Champion Knicks, but if this Mets team shows it is not the downtrodden bunch that many make them out to be, it will be a Highlander nightmare.

As it is now, this past week it’s very close as to which team was featured on the back of the tabloids the most between the Knicks and Mets. One day it’s Jeremy Lin, the next it’s Johan Santana. It seems the only time the Highlanders get in the papers is when some trollop of Cashman’s comes forward.

Think of the story lines, if Mets play above the negative expectation, owner’s with debt up to their fake tanned foreheads cut more payroll than any team in history but the teams manager instills a confidence in his players that they are major leaguers and have to play like major leaguers. The Ace of the pitching staff comes back like no one ever has from a devastating shoulder injury to breathe life into the rest of the staff. The solid number two who possess a mesmerizing knuckleball and a spot on the NY Times Best Seller list wins baseball games and a Pulitzer.  Ike Davis, David Wright, Lucas Duda and a back from the dead Jason Bay on the cover of Sports Illustrated as “Air Flushing” due to the resurgence in their home run hitting prowess.  Mets sweep the Subway Series with one of the games a no hitter tossed by Mike Pelfrey and as the game ends, the Twitter servers blow up like the Macy’s 4th of July Fireworks display.

Can it happen? Who knows? But, get your popcorn ready just in case.   

 

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HEY I LIKE 20 YEAR OLD LATIN GUYS….UH WAIT…..THAT DIDN’T COME OUT RIGHT……….BASEBALL PLAYERS THAT IS……….

  13 days until pitchers and catchers

Last night’s hour long PRO BASEBALL CENTRAL show, went by in a flash thanks our own Yankee-Doodle, Michael calling in and Matt Silverman coming on to talk about the ’69 Mets. Some of the topics I wanted to get to in the opening of the show got pushed back as I went on a bit of a Fernando Martinez rant, so I guess I’ll touch on those here.

By the way I got to see F-Mart’s AB last night with the bases loaded and two out in the Dominican Republic v. Venezuela Caribbean World Series game. Martinez did not get a hit in the AB but it was an impressive turn at the plate that lasted 10 pitches until he hit a foul pop that was caught by the Venezuelan right fielder.

I’m not anti-Fernando in any way; I just want the kid to stop acing like he’s a 27 year old journeyman who has never gotten a chance and be the 20 year old who plays so well this spring that he beats out Angel Pagan to be Carlos Beltran’s understudy.

Looks like me and Orlando Hudson have something in common; we both will never play second base for the Mets. So after all the debate about second base for the Mets what’s done is done, Luis Castillo is the Mets second baseman for better or worse till death due us part (or until Reese Havens can prove he can play at the big league level) for 2010.

What is the under/over on how many times Gary Cohen or Howie Rose say “Just out of the reach of Castillo, for a base hit” this season? Let’s set the number at 75.

The last place in the world I thought I’d ever see the name Municipal Credit Union would be on a ball park marquee.  I wonder if those of us with accounts at MCU will get a discount on Cyclones tickets.

I’m very happy for Nelly Figs and his great performance the other day for DR in the Caribbean Series but it wasn’t like he was pitching against the Phillies or Highlanders, it was against Mexico and 45 year old  270 lb Vinny Castila, The Big Fajita!

Maybe things are not as bleak for the Mets as we think. FOX has the Amazin’s scheduled for broadcast 8 times this coming season and one of the games is a prime timer versus the Bronx Bastards.

Maple Street Press is coming out with it’s Mets Annual in a few weeks and there will be a section on the Mets Blogosphere, that will include yours truly.

Matt Silverman is putting out a revised paperback version of his book “100 Things Mets Fans Should Know and Do Before They Die” 

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